In Your Absence
by tek9cb
Summary: A series of short anecdotes from the lives of Seras and Integra while Alucard is MIA after the Millennium incident. From Seras' point of view.
1. Chapter 1

I've got a lot more installments for this coming, and half an idea of where its going. This story will be secondary to The Will to Live, even though I've got more of this finished. Please review!

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As I watched my master fade away, he showed an expression that I had never seen him wear before. It may have been regret.

As he said "Farewell," I felt for some reason as though it were not directed at me, but rather solely at Integra. I imagine I should have been more certain than I was since we were telepathically connected. One can only wonder.

As his form finally disappeared, all of his multitudinous eyes closed, I did not feel his presence disappear; it merely changed, now dimmer and unfocused.

And as I left that place, carrying the woman I knew I was now dedicated to, I felt that perhaps I had interpreted his words and sentiments correctly. He knew, somehow, someway, that he would never see Integra again, the woman that had depended on him for a large part of her life, the woman that he called "master." And also, somehow, that he would see me again.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, here's the next chapter. Pardon me for any out-of-character-ness, I sort of just wanted to take my initial idea and run with it, and this is what it was.

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It had taken five grueling years of reconstruction to return London and Hellsing to something resembling their respective former states. Although incomplete, the restoration was deemed to call for a celebratory event of some sort by the young Queen; she had only recently ascended the throne and had always been rather fond of special events as the princess. A ball had been demanded, with nearly every remaining noble required to attend by royal decree, Integra and, surprisingly, myself included. Integra was clearly unhappy with the whole situation, grumbling up until the event and making herself as scarce as possible during.

She had tried her best to imitate my own ability to sink into the shadows as she sulked in the darkest corner she could find. Which wasn't very dark, considering that we were in a well-lit, magnificent specimen of a ball room. Due to her trying her best to ignore whatever it was that was happening around her, it took her quite some time to notice that beside her was a man that appeared to be attempting much the same feat as she was.

After a lengthy silence, she asked him, very abrasively, if he detested balls as much as she did. This elicited quite a bit of laughter on his part. I chuckled from my hiding place in the shadows as I observed Integra become furiously embarrassed before awkwardly attempting to strike up some semblance of a civilized conversation with him.

Despite a rough start, she went on to discover that he was John Harrison, a rather high ranked officer in the British Army whose name I had heard mentioned several times before. They kept each other company for the remaining two hours of the event, even going so far as to share several dances between their conversations on a variety of topics.

Both seemed surprised when I stepped forward to inform Integra of the time with a knowing smile on my face, mostly due to the fact that they had passed the entire time without being bothered by the other nobles. I informed her later that I believed that no one had dared to separate the two of them, they looked like they were so absorbed in each other, which made Integra blush a shade of scarlet that I had doubted was possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, chapter three. I feel like this is actually turning into a rather dark story since I've cut out the only really humorous part because I didn't like it as much as I thought I did. Please review!

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Shortly before Integra's thirtieth birthday, she and John Harrison were wed; their relationship had progressed rapidly in what Integra herself termed "a somewhat whirlwind fashion." They had met several times after the ball, often out of necessity. He became somewhat of an ambassador between the Royal Military and Hellsing while Integra had been rebuilding her troops. They had begun to meet privately after a few months, and were engaged only a year after they had first met.

The whole situation rather seemed to be out of Integra's character. Although I knew that there was certainly some aspect of love to their relationship, I also knew that Integra was not nearly as strong as she let on, after eight years of being her only support. The near simultaneous loss of two major people in her life, both Walter and Alucard, had left a void in her that caused her to cling desperately to the new bond she had formed. Yet I remained silent for the sake of her happiness.

I briefly wondered at the objectivity of my musings as I stood beside Integra as her only bridesmaid.

We had become close friends, something that had been proven to me by her efforts to make John accept the fact that I, her consul and best friend, was a vampire. Because a large portion of his family and many of his friends had been murdered during the Millennium incident, he had a completely reasonable hatred of my kind. It was only to be expected that he had trouble accepting me. It had taken him two full years to grudgingly realize that not all vampires were ruthless murderers, the main reason behind the postponing of the wedding.

I was forcibly pulled from my thoughts as Integra dragged me to the location of the reception, the ceremony itself apparently over, having passed unnoticed while I had been musing. She released my arm and threw me a worried frown before disappearing into the crowd, eager to get her one obligatory dance over with so that she could hide in a corner. I smiled.

'At least she's happy.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4. Really, I have no idea if it's any good. Not just this chapter, but the whole story. Please review so that i can have some idea of it's quality.

I'm also working on The Will to live, but it'll have to wait a bit because I'll be without my comupter while I'm at my dad's house for a day.

* * *

I was the first one to know that Integra was pregnant. After all, I could smell it, a subtle hormonal change that resulted in a different scent which mingled with the familiar smell of her blood.

How I knew the nature of this change is beyond me, but I had known what the scent had meant and informed her of her state before she had even the slightest notion that it was a possibility. Needless to say, she was shocked. A trip to the doctor confirmed what I had already known, and she seemed to handle the news rather calmly over all.

John, on the other hand, nearly collapsed. After the initial shock, he refused to leave Integra's side at any time, fussing about and generally being a nuisance. He had rather softened up to me in the year since we'd been living in the same house, and enlisted my help in keeping Integra from doing just about anything, going so far as to even request me to teleport her about the house so that she didn't have to walk. Once out of earshot, this had caused me to laugh to the point of tears, remembering the fierce woman that Integra had once been and contrasting it to her current condition.

Despite John's numerous fears, Integra gave birth to twin boys without complications. They were baptized George and Geoffrey and all three were deemed healthy enough to leave the hospital in near record time.

The once quiet halls soon came to be filled with the crying of babes and the hushed attempts at silencing them by their beleaguered and somewhat disillusioned parents. It was quickly suggested that I care for them when they awoke at night as I slept during the day.

It still amuses me how swiftly the newly-wed phase had ended after the boys were born.


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, I edited the previous four chapters. We're approaching the end of what I had written down when I started, only two more chapters left after this. I don't really have anything else to say, except for please review!

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When the twins were two, Integra came to me to request that I undergo a mild form of the binding placed on my master. It had not been unexpected; she had been considering the procedure ever since her sons' birth. I knew that mistrust was not the motive. Rather, it was a fretful mother's desire to have the security of knowing that my aid would be at the disposal of herself, John, and the twins on a moment's notice. In essence, it was the telepathic connection that she sought rather than the binding itself.

It did not even cross my mind to refuse her request, despite knowing how painful the process would be. More important than the pain, I knew how significant this was to Integra, knew the comfort and peace of mind that it would bring her.

When the binding process began, I instantly felt a searing pain rip through my body. If I had not been secured to a table, my thrashings would have most likely killed at least one of the researchers standing around me, observing and recording the event.

After mere seconds which seemed to last an eternity, the pain ceased as quickly as it had begun.

Integra released me after ensuring that I was no longer a danger to the humans around me and stepped back. I looked down at my now gloved hands, feelings of sorrow and nostalgia sweeping all other thoughts from my mind as I recognized the symbols that were seared through the white fabric and into the flesh of the back of my hand. I felt somehow closer to my master while simultaneously reminded of the impossible distance that separated us.

The blood tears that fell from my eyes to stain the gloves red were interpreted as induced by pain, and Integra rushed forward in order to comfort me, a worried look in her eyes. Although certainly not physical, pain was perhaps not so incorrect a descriptor of what I felt then.


	6. Chapter 6

Alright, this is probably the darkest chapter. And it's sort of long in comparison to the previous ones.

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The seal that I had so fervently hoped would never be needed beckoned me to Integra's aid for the first time eight years after it had been created.

I had been at the site of a series of presumed freak attacks in Northern England, along with more than half of Hellsing's troops. It had been a standard 'search and destroy' mission; the freaks responsible had been numerous but weak. I had been wrapping up, instructing troops to care for the wounded and reorganize, when I received a desperate cry for help from Integra. Pausing only briefly to yell out hurried instructions to the second in command, I wasted no time teleporting to Integra's side.

As soon as I saw the situation, I knew I was too late; there was nothing that could have been done even if I had neglected my duty and left the troops I had been leading without guidance. Four mid-level true nosferatu had taken advantage of the distraction caused by the northern freaks and attacked Hellsing manor. The remaining troops had been drastically insufficient, and had been virtually annihilated before Integra even had the chance to realize the seriousness of the situation. Although I had found myself where Integra and John were still making a stand, I could immediately tell that the situation was barely salvageable: Integra was bleeding profusely from what appeared to be a bite wound on her shoulder.

In my blind rage, I shredded my way through ghouls and vampires alike, knowing full well that one of them had bitten my human master and closest friend.

I returned to where she lay bleeding after coming to my senses only minutes later, kneeling beside her. Now that I was closer, I could see that the wound would not have been fatal if it hadn't been from a vampire.

John had knelt beside me at some point, and Integra now called to him softly. He bent over her until she could whisper into his ear with minimal movement. His face stiffened; although I had not heard what was said, I could guess at its nature. I did, however, hear what was said next with painful acuity.

"Kill me, Seras."

Although it was what I had been expecting, I was still stunned by her abruptness even as she lay dying.

"You know as well as I that I would be doomed to become a ghoul otherwise." She grimaced in pain as she moved herself to a sitting position and turned towards me. The pain in her expression as she looked at me was less physical than it was emotional. "And as much as I love you as a sister and a friend, I could never wish such a burden on my husband."

Her eyes were determined, and I stood from where I had been kneeling, attempting to steel myself against the atrocity that I knew I had to commit.

I managed to keep my composure as I had raised my gun to shoot her, once through the heart; an expression of sublime peace took hold of her face as I ended her life. Only afterwards did I collapse to the ground, grief stricken sobs racking my small body. John pulled me into a companionable embrace as my sorrow ran its course and I attempted to calm myself.

"Where are the boys?" I asked after several minutes of silence.

John led me without a word to the small basement room where the twins had been placed under the guard of the new Hellsing retainer. I lost my composure once more at the sight of the two boys I considered as nephews, breaking down into bloody tears. They were huddled together, frightened both by the noises they had heard from the floors above and my emotional frailty.

"Aunty Seras, where's mother?" Geoffrey asked softly, a look of panic in his blue eyes that were so much like his mother's.

I knelt and pulled them both against me, the reality of their fates as Hellsing heirs only now sinking in.

* * *

Sorry for killing off Integra. Really, I am. Although it was my plan from the start, it still makes me sad to do it.


	7. Chapter 7

This is a short one. But it's sad. I think I forgot to say it last chapter, but please review.

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The funeral took place only a few short days after Integra had died. Her Majesty and the majority of the English nobility were in attendance, discussing Integra's life and accomplishments in somber tones. The few who had actually been close acquaintances would occasionally make their way over to where I stood with the twins, offering their condolences.

John stood at the entrance of the manor, mechanically greeting the last of the arriving guests as though he were an automaton rather than a human being. After the last few attendees filtered into the parlor, the entire party moved outdoors to the Hellsing private cemetery with its awaiting casket and open grave.

A priest said whatever it was that had to be said before several guests stepped forward to give short speeches in her honor. I stood dutifully beside John and the twins, inwardly crying out at the hypocrisy of my attendance, as I had been the one to kill her.

Despite the sober atmosphere of the whole affair, the sky remained stubbornly devoid of clouds, displaying a startling blue that was rare for the city of fog. I mentioned this offhand to John as the company dispersed, a freshly turned plot of dirt the only evidence of the events of the previous hours. He smiled sadly, a distant look in his eyes.

"But isn't it almost the color of her eyes?"


	8. Chapter 8

Yeah, it's just a short little thing. Maybe the whole point of this was really just to kill off Integra... that's sort of depressing. I think I'll go back and add some sort of story during the eight years between the binding and Integra's death... Yup, that sounds good. Anyway, please review.

* * *

John had taken the mantle of Integra's responsibilities in stride in the past three years, as he had already been managing half of Hellsing's official affairs for eleven years prior. He had, however, relinquished direct command of the troops and placed myself as their commander.

I would often sit with him as he sorted through the immense amount of paperwork, each comforted by the other's silent companionship. He would often pause and stare at Integra's portrait hanging on the wall, as though seeking guidance.

As for the twins, John had realized that they could no longer role play a normal life after having reality shoved into his face. Their childhoods were ended prematurely as they were prepared for the inevitability of succeeding their father. John and I took turns instructing them on how to use a gun, how to fight, along with teaching them vampire lore, and the Hellsing family history. Their normal schooling lessons were supplemented with lectures on the subjects of great leaders throughout history and military tactics.

By the time they were thirteen, traditionally the age of adulthood, they could best any of the Hellsing troops and were more than proficient with innumerable weapons and fighting styles. They were also intelligent; both could speak several languages fluently and were wise beyond their years in matters both scholastic and strategic.

Meanwhile, I attempted to remain my cheery, tomboyish self, acting as an aunt to the boys and as a sister and friend to John. Trying to remain a light in a world filled with death.

But, on occasion, my mind would wander to darker topics. I would blame myself for Integra's death, or find myself longing for my absent master, the only person who would remain constant as the humans around me would age and die.

Whenever my thoughts headed in these directions, the twins would wander down to the basement to comfort me, showing me something that they had learned recently or describing some event that had happened recently in school. I would always follow them back up into the manor with a smile on my face.


	9. Haitus ish Type Thing?

I'm so so so so so so sorry! I can't believe it's been so long; I sort of planned to have this finished in a few days. Obviously didn't happen. Please wait a little longer if you like it, because I have more to write. I'm just crazy busy (school started up again, got a job, etc.) so I have no idea when I'll have time to write more chapters. Thank you to everyone who read, I really hope I won't dissapoint you all with the wait for future chapters/ the future chapters themselves! I love you all! But not in a creepy way. ^.^


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